Quick Update

It's been a little while since my last update. I got my blood panels back and they indicated elevated SS-A levels which is common in those who have Sjogrens, another autoimmune disease. My neuro has recommended that I have two different procedures done, a lumbar puncture and a lip biopsy. After discussing these procedures with my neuro, we've decided that the lip biopsy would be the best place to start and based on the information we get from that talk about the next moves. It is not a fun procedure. Initially I thought it would just be a scraping of my lip but no, that would be far too easy. Tomorrow afternoon I will go in and have a little incision. They will remove several salivary glands to test for inflammation. I've been told there is some pain associated with this procedure, but hopefully it won't be too awful. Prayers would be greatly appreciated!

The Waiting Room

This whole process started 7 months ago with what I thought was my optometrist carelessly flinging out the words, "You may have multiple sclerosis," after the odd blurriness and discoloration I was seeing couldn't be explained optically. At that time, I decided to wait, not willing to accept that something was not right.

I've seen quite a few waiting rooms in the last 6 weeks... 6 to be exact...some of them more than once. I have been doing a lot of waiting recently. I have discovered (ok maybe I already knew) I am not a very patient person, at least when it comes to dealing with medical issues. I will never understand how doctor's offices schedule appointments or how it takes what seems like an eternity to send medical files or MRI images. 

Monday, I spent A LOT of time waiting. I arrived at the neurologist's office 15 minutes ahead of my appointment time to fill out the necessary paperwork. I was quickly called back and had my vitals taken. I was taken to another room where another doctor who will be working closely with my neurologist came in and took a complete medical history. As I recounted what I had experienced with my vision during the summer and the symptoms I have been experiencing lately, I tried not to forget anything. Next is the interesting assessments of your reflexes where you feel like such a dork, limbs flying uncontrollably as you get poked and proded with all types of hammers, pins, and various other torture instruments. Then there is the running down the hallway... Talk about feeling like a fool!

The doctor leaves to consult with the neurologist. After about 30 minutes he returns to tell us that it will be about a 20-30 minute wait. We sit. We wait... And wait... And wait... An hour & a half later we finally see the doctor. He spends a lot of time with us discussing what our next steps are. First we needed another blood panel. Oh joy. This panel will test for vitamin D and B-12 levels, as well as  Sjogren's syndrome & take anywhere from 10-14 days to return the results. Good. More waiting. He also requested I have a CT scan to rule out sarcoidosis, a disease that has similar symptoms to those I am experiencing. So, no multiple sclerosis diagnosis...yet. We'll need to wait on the results before proceeding. 

So I wait. As I mentioned, patience is lacking when it comes to me and medical issues. But this time it is different. The previous Sunday, our pastor spoke on Christ's purpose in coming to Earth to restore all things. He illustrated is point by describing an experience he had flying to Dallas from Atlanta. The passenger before him had left an iPad in the seatback. He knew if he gave the iPad over to the airlines, the rightful owner would probably never see it again. He turned on the iPad that was not password protected. He was able to get enough information about her off of the iPad that he knew he could contact her when he got home. He opened her notes app and found a note entitled, "Save this: IMPORTANT!!!!!!" It was all of her accounts, all of her passwords, access names to everything, email, banking info, online accounts, everything you wouldn't want a stranger to find. He imagines the owner freaking out, calling banks and credit cards just feeling completely exposed. Father David got on the airplane wifi and sent her the following email...

"I have your iPad. I'm sitting on a plane in the air on the way back to DFW. I found it in the seatback. No worries. I'll get it back to you. Please know that it's safe with me. If you send me your address I'll ship it to you. I was able to piece together your information from the contents. I'm on the airline's Internet. My plan is to take it with me & to mail it back to you as soon as you send me an address.
I'm a pastor at a church in Plano, Christ Church. I can be trusted." She responds quickly to him, profusely thanking him and closing her email saying, "You are a savior."

He parallels this story to the gospel, and I find myself relating to this. Me, Cathy, waiting, completely anxious...insecure...worried... vulnerable...exposed...wondering what the future holds... Lumbar puncture? Paralysis? Blindness? Outrageous medical expenses? Wheelchairs? Incontinence?  ButI don't have to spend the time waiting in worry and anxiety. There is someone who's got my back. Because He loves me and no matter what the future holds. He can be trusted. And that is worth the wait.

30 Brings A New Journey...

Turning 30... it was always one of those things I dreaded, as if on that birthday I would officially become "old". In your twenties you feel young, wild, and free. Like you could do or be anything. I did a lot of amazing things in my twenties. I made life long friends. I lived in Europe. I graduated from college. I got an amazing job with amazing little people. I went to graduate school and earned my Masters Degree while working full time. I paid off my college and car loan. I met and married the man of my dreams. I endured various trials, some, in hinds sight, trivial, others seemingly unbearable. I became my own person, wrestling with what I believe, and making difficult decisions for myself. While these years were some of the most enjoyable and memorable of my life, they were at times chaotic and disorienting. You are an adult, but yet sometimes you want someone else to take the responsibility from you. You still hang on to the end of the teenage emotional roller coaster, while wanting you to be the adult your age says you are. The phrase "The Roaring Twenties" brings a whole new meaning. As I neared closer and closer to this monumental occasion, I began to realize that turning 30 doesn't make you old. It makes you new.

I turned 30. No pomp. No circumstance. No cake. No candles. Instead, I had doctors appointments, MRIs, blood drawn, labs run, lots of questions, lots of tears, lots of phone calls, and lots of reading. The weeks surrounding my birthday were scary frustrating trying exhausting emotional a new beginning. I have been diagnosed with chronic isolated symptoms of Multiple Sclerosis. That is a fancy way of saying, "You have some of the signs, but you haven't had enough of the symptoms yet to say that you have MS."

Multiple Sclerosis is an auto immune disease that attacks your Central Nervous System. Your immune system attacks myelin, the fatty tissue that surrounds nerves. This causes the messages your brain sends to your body through your nerves to be disoriented or interrupted. The symptoms I have experienced are occasional tingling in my right foot and the palms of my hands and a scotoma, or blind spot, in the middle of my right eye. This does not actually impact my vision. I had no idea it was there.

I am still in the very early stages of finding out about this disease, and what it actually means for me. There are still many unknowns, but one thing is certain, I don't have to walk alone. I have an incredible husband who has been beyond supportive. He is patient and understanding. He is helpful and honest with me. I am so grateful that our relationship is a product of my "roaring twenties" and he will be with me for the rest of our lives. My family has been amazing as well.  Calling to check in on me, sharing information and asking good questions, never pitying me. My parents encouraging with every new development.  My siblings listening, offering support and love. My small group, offering hugs and understanding. Each one of these amazing people supporting me in the best way, prayer.

But even if they were to all walk away, I know I am not alone. Isaiah 54:10 assures me of this, " 'For the mountains may depart and the hills be removed, but my steadfast love shall not depart from you, and my covenant of peace shall not be removed,' says the LORD, who has compassion on you."

30 brings a new journey... one I never thought would be mine... but it is... and I wouldn't have it any other way.